I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
