There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
