Dual....:-)
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
