I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
