Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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