Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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