I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
