Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
