im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
