You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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