Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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