This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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