rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
