she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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