my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
