I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her vagine was all disorganized.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
