you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
