there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
