after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its liver damage thursday
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