i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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