Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
