You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
