i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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