My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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