being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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