Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
