she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
