I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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