Betty ford says i'm here all night
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
