oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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