What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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