I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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