I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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