Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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