I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
