Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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