The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
