im about as happy as oj after his trial
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
