I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize