i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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