...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
