the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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