just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
