the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ketchup is God's man juice
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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