so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
