How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
