I'm sorry my penis didn't work
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize