is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
