We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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