my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
