You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize