now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
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other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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