I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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