you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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