Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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