My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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