matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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