bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
