I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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